


How Far We've Come

by TheLigeia



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin
Genre: Basically both Eren and Armin crying over how fucked up their lives are, Post-Chapter 53
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-01
Updated: 2014-02-01
Packaged: 2018-01-10 18:29:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1163060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLigeia/pseuds/TheLigeia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren can't wait to see Armin and Jean after they've been brought home, but it's clear by Hanji's expression something went wrong. Eren can't believe that something went wrong on a mission lead by Levi, and he's determined to figure out what happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Far We've Come

**Author's Note:**

> Beta'd by tumblr user ministerofbutts.
> 
> So who else cried when this chapter came out? I know I was sobbing. I absolutely could not get the idea of Eren flipping his shit when he finds out about what happens to Armin out of my head, so writing this was inevitable.
> 
> My other fics will be updated soon I hope, but enjoy this for the time being I suppose.

Hanji was the one who told Eren and Historia their friends had been returned to them, but it was clear by the soft, slightly unnerved smile in Eren's direction something had gone wrong. Moblit, who was at Hanji's side, looked rather distressed and upset.

"What happened?" Eren was demanding being answered as he rose out of his seat, eyes blazing with a passionate fury that could rival Levi's most intimidating gaze. Moblit flinched visibly, and Hanji allowed their smile to fall.

"Well, no one was really injured per say..." Hanji actually seemed _reluctant_ to tell him. It was so unlike them Eren could feel a panic starting to overcome him. His eyes flashed manically between the door and the two figures obstructing his path, hands balling into fists and relaxing again, then repeating the motions.

"What do you mean 'per say'? Hanji, what happened?!" Eren was pleading with them for an answer. He could run past them, find Levi and beg him to give him a straight answer for once, but that would probably end up with Eren missing teeth again and possibly broken bones. His thoughts were racing between Armin and Jean, wondering which one of them wasn't exactly right. _I don't really want that horse-faced asshole to be hurt but if anything is wrong with Armin..._ Eren couldn't finish the thought, his throat seeming to close up. If anything happened to his best friend there would be hell to pay.

"Levi and Erwin are speaking to Armin at the moment but if you want to talk to Jean, I'm sure-" Eren didn't finish listening; he brushed past Hanji and Moblit before dashing down the hall as fast as his legs could carry him. Historia was doing her best to keep up with him, but Eren could hardly care. He didn't hesitate to throw open the door to the makeshift mess hall where the rest of Squad Levi was waiting, and all of them jumped as the wood door made contact with the wall. Various stages of alarm and horror crossed the faces there, but Eren's gaze snapped to Jean. The taller teen lowered his eyes immediately, Mikasa putting a hand on his shoulder before she looked at Eren. She almost looked terrified.

"Mikasa, what..." Eren's eyebrows came together in worry, glancing at her and Jean, then Connie and Sasha, hoping for an explanation.

"We were hoping Armin would tell you-," Sasha blurted before Connie roughly shoved her and she quickly shut up, dropping her head and looking at the floor.

"Tell me what?! What the fuck happened to him?!" Eren couldn't hold back his rage. No one was telling him straight what happened to his _best friend_ , one of the most important people in his life. Not even Mikasa was giving him an answer, and she'd known Armin almost as long as Eren had.

"Mikasa, tell me," Eren pleaded, walking up to the table and slamming his hands down on top of the surface. She was the only one who didn't jump, but she didn't meet Eren's gaze.

"It's not easy for any of us to tell you. Eren, please just calm down. We don't need this to get any worse." Mikasa had started to use that commanding tone of voice, the one she always used when she knew best and everyone else knew it too. Now though, it just pissed Eren off. Why weren't they telling him anything? What had happened to Armin that required them all to be so secretive?

"Oi, what the fuck do you think you're doing?" Levi sounded as pissed as ever, cold eyes piercing through Eren as he analyzed the situation. Something flickered across his face for a moment before he crossed the room, his strides impressively long for someone of his height.

"I don't know what kind of shit move you're going to pull, but don't. It won't help anything and it sure as hell won't help your boyfriend. Hanji," Levi snapped, before Eren had a chance to respond, "why the fuck couldn't you keep him in that room?"

"Ah, well you know him Levi. Once he's made up his mind he's pretty hard to control." Hanji waved their hand as they spoke, stepping towards the table next to Eren. Historia and Moblit approached cautiously, hanging back a little.

"Why won't someone just tell me what happened?!" Eren snapped at Jean, who unfortunately was right across for him. Amber eyes blazed back at him and Jean leapt to his feet.

"I would've fucking done something if I could you suicidal asshole, but there was nothing I could do that wouldn't have made the situation worse!" Jean knew shouting wouldn't solve anything, but he was fucking tired of this and he was more distressed than anyone about what had happened when he and Armin were captured. A memory of a crying Armin with a hand on his face made Jean's expression change to one of pain, which cut Eren off mid-sentence. Jean fell back into his seat again, rubbing at his face as he recalled being forced to watch.

"I couldn't do fucking anything..." Eren could feel his rage subsiding into an astonishing sense of fear. All eyes were on him, varying forms of pity greeting him. Historia and Levi were the only ones with blank faces, but Historia was just as clueless as Eren was.

"I... I'm f-fine, really..." Armin's voice followed him as he stepped out of a smaller room off to the side. Eren scanned his friend with his eyes, noticing there seemed to be no physical issues. He relaxed slightly, until Armin met his eyes with a brief look of panic.

"Eren..." Armin stared at the Titan shifter for a while before he dropped his gaze, shoulders hunching forward and bangs falling into his face. Erwin stepped out after him, throwing a pointed look at Levi before looking at Eren. He might not be entirely there, but he was still their Commander and would act as such.

"I think Arlert and Jaeger need time to talk. Hanji, give Kirschstein a quick exam would you?" Hanji nodded, helping Jean up and pulling him away. The rest left the room, Mikasa and Levi the only ones lingering. Eren kept his gaze locked firmly on Armin as the other Scouting Legion members left the room. Armin looked at Mikasa and Levi for guidance, but both of them were too busy trying to see if Eren would do something stupid. They opted to wait out in the hall instead, in case something went wrong.

"Armin, please, what happened to you?" Eren moved around the table, approaching his friend. Armin flinched and grabbed his elbow, taking a slight step back as Eren approached.

"Can you please just drop it?" Armin's voice was barely above a whisper, and it was then Eren noticed the bruises. They were on Armin's neck and jaw, and also his wrists. They were clearly fingerprints; nothing else looked like that.

Armin wanted desperately to run, maybe run to Jean and cling to him because no one understood, but Jean was there when it happened and had a hell of a lot better idea than anyone else. He couldn't bare the burning gaze of Eren, who was so strong and wonderful, to be looking at him in such concern when he felt no better than dirt.

"I won't just 'drop it', Armin. You have bruises all over! I need to know; I want to help you but I can't do that if you won't tell me anything!" Eren was breathing heavily, all of his pent up rage and frustration from not knowing what was happening since Armin and Jean were captured finally seeping out of him. Armin jerked his head up to look at Eren in astonishment, a flash of anger crossing the small blonde's face.

"Eren, you have no idea how often I try to get through to you and you brush it off as if it's nothing! You don't know how I feel about this, about anything anymore, and I can't even have the right to get mad at you because I know how much shit you're going through! You're supposed to be this big symbol of hope and it's awful; it's ridiculous that you have to deal with that because you're fifteen, and I'm fifteen and Mikasa's fifteen, and we shouldn't have to be the ones to save everyone but we are so we have to, and damn it you have no idea how useless I feel next to all of you who are actually out there saving lives while I'm just here making plans that may or may not work. I can't get you to confide in me because there just isn't the time for that and I just can't do anything to fix it this time. I couldn't... stop him from..." Armin chokes on the rest of his sentence, his shoulders shaking and tears welling at the corner of his eyes. Eren can only gape at the blonde he thought he knew so well, realizing that he didn't, not at all anymore.

"Armin..." Eren swallowed thickly, feeling the guilt was over him to the point where he felt like he would suffocate. He cautiously reached out to put his hand on Armin's shoulder, watching as the blonde flinched and tried to pull away. He wasn't okay, and a wave of nausea rolled over him as the possibilities of what could have happened to Armin ran through his head.

"I'm sorry," Eren mumbled, pushing Armin to sit down in one of the chairs. Levi and Mikasa were lingering in the doorway after the shouting match, but Eren focused solely on Armin like he hadn't in a very long time. Armin dropped into the chair, his shoulders shaking still and tears rolling silently down his cheeks. Eren carefully brushed them away, a strong ache overcoming him as he realized how much he truly missed Armin's presence like this. Eren sat down in another chair next to Armin, entwining their fingers and pressing his forehead to Armin's.

"I'm sorry. Please, I want to know what happened. I _know_ you, and you have to tell me this or goddamn it Armin, you know I'm going to figure it out some other way. If it's making you like this it's incredibly important and I need to know." Eren closed his eyes, exhaling heavily. Armin was strong in ways Eren couldn't begin to fathom; he'd always forgotten because he was so used to defending Armin because he wasn't as strong physically. To see him so upset and not himself was driving Eren mad.

"I don't," Armin started, frowning and taking a moment to breathe. Eren squeezed his hands, asking him to continue. Armin took another deep breathe before he did.

"I, um... When we got captured, it was easy enough to pass as Historia and you. No one suspected anything. T-They thought I was a girl, s-so they just tried to..." Armin's voice wavered, eyes glazing over slightly as he bit his lip. Tears came faster than they had before, and he blinked rapidly to try and get rid of them. Armin opened his mouth to speak again, but he couldn't make himself form the words. A small sob was the only noise he could make, and Eren threw his arms around Armin and pulled him close.

"Don't continue, it's okay. Shhh," Eren murmured into Armin's hair, hugging him tight as Armin threw his arms around Eren's neck and sobbed into his shoulder.

"I was s-so terrified a-and and I didn't know when help would get there. Eren, he just..." Armin couldn't finish, just sobbed again and clung to Eren like he needed him to breathe. Eren could feel his own sob wracking through him, because _fuck_ , he was supposed to be the hero everyone needed but he hadn't even been there to save his best friend when Armin needed him most.

"D-Don't cry Armin, please. I'm s-so sorry I wasn't there," Eren gasped, uncaring of how his voice shook. Armin was right; both of them were only fifteen and here they were crying over how fucked up everything was.

"You're the one who's crying you idiot," Armin added, smiling a little when Eren let out a rather distressed sound and pressed his nose against his neck. Eren inhaled deeply, just trying to ground himself and keep a level head. Why did it have to be Armin of all people? No one deserved having that happen, but Armin? It was insane, when only a year ago it felt like they could do anything and overcome anything as they did the impossible. Why was it always them who seemed to get fucked over?

Neither of them moved for a long time, Armin threading his fingers through Eren's hair as both of them tried to calm down and breathe normally again. Armin didn't want to let go, but eventually Eren lifted his head, touching their foreheads together again as they just breathed in silence. It was almost peaceful, but a lingering sense told them it was obvious something had changed between them forever.

"Are you going to be okay?"

It took Armin a while to register what had been said to him, because really, who was okay anymore? Everything with Bertholdt, Reiner, Ymir and Annie had fucked everything up, and then what had happened to Erwin and himself... He breathed slowly, sitting up to meet Eren's eyes. Their hands found each other again, and Armin had trouble finding his voice.

"Honestly no, but it's something I can't afford to let slow me down. If I can help anyone, they need me more than I need to try and cope. There's just too much that needs to be done." Armin smiled sadly at their hands, Eren's usual frown returning full force.

"Armin, you don't have to-"

"-I don't have a choice, and you know that. I have to grieve on my own time if I find any. But it's okay, I'll be okay. I was able to survive without you until we met, so I can work through this on my own. I... I think I'm strong enough."

"No."

Armin snapped his gaze up to Eren, his own frown manifesting.

"What do you mean 'no'?"

Eren gave Armin's hands a squeeze, a look of passionate determination burning across his features and leaving Armin momentarily stunned.

"You're not going to do this alone, because I'm going to be here for you this time and I'm not fucking that up ever again. You're strong Armin, you're incredibly strong in amazing ways, but you don't have to suffer by yourself." Eren's eyes blazed bright, in that stunning, beautiful way they did when Eren meant every word he said. Armin almost cried again, but he settled for managing a small, genuine smile and squeezing back.

"Okay." Eren offered a small grin of his own, rising to his feet and keeping one hand wrapped around Armin's. Levi and Mikasa watched as the pair made their way out of the mess hall, both soldiers much more relaxed.

"And you said Arlert _isn't_ his boyfriend?" Levi snorted, Mikasa frowning as she watched the pair vanish.

"I don't know what they are if they're not looking out for each other, but Eren doesn't treat Armin like he does almost everyone else. He's special to him, to both of us. All the same, Eren might be close to exploding if we don't leave them alone for a while."

Levi let out of a hum of agreement, turning to head back to where the others would be waiting.

"They deserve some time to themselves. Those shitty brats are about as fucked as they come."

Mikasa found Levi's word choice rather offensive, but she understood his sentiment. She would always watch out for them no matter what happened, so they wouldn't have to know the pain she had felt. They weren't perfect, not even for each other really, but they worked and they needed each other in ways Mikasa didn't fully comprehend after all these years. As long as they could find solace in each other, she didn't care if she ever understood.


End file.
